I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
