ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize