Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
