I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
