We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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