I'm going to jail i love you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
