Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
