Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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