I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
