i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
