haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
