Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
