I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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