Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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