I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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