dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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