Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
