rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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