my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
