I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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