You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
