I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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