she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
