I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
