My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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