im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
