I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
