Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
