just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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