We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize