We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His hands were made for my vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
