how can u be prego again
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
