I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
