Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
