I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
