3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
