Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
