Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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