you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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