you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Still dying that you shit outside
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
