do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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