Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
