Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
