I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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