don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
