last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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