my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
