Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
