I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
