Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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