Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
