You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
