he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
