I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
