I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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