Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
