For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
