so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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