OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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