I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
