I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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