Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I touched a dick in church today
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
