i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
