If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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