Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
