Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
