if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
