girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
