I'm lost and stupid without you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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